Don't Negotiate Against Yourself

Effective negotiators don’t negotiate against themselves.

Why would anybody do it?

Have you ever negotiated against yourself?

We often make such mistakes without even knowing or realizing it. Silence is very uncomfortable, and we can’t bear it. We talk and make the next offer, bidding against ourselves.

This is a self-defeating behavior, and we must avoid it. Encourage the other party to make a counteroffer rather than making one yourself.

However, you can only avoid it when you know and understand the concept. In Berries for Greens, he did not make this mistake when the counterparty challenged him on his offer. He stood by his offer and simply justified it, which was the right step.

Why Do We Fear Negotiation?

Why don’t we negotiate?

What stops us from asking for more?

What reasons are we inventing not to negotiate? When we know our honest reasons for not negotiating, then only can we correct them or seek a solution. It is essential for us to identify these bottlenecks so that we can address the next challenge.

Next time, take a moment and think about why you did not want to negotiate your salary offer, push back on a non-promotion task, ask for a raise, ask for a discount in the marketplace, or even limit screen time for kids. Figure it out.

Once you understand what holds us back, you can try to overcome the hurdle and be ready to ask for more. Effective negotiation is an opportunity to find transformative possibilities in life. It is indeed a life-changing companion that helps you overcome your fear of negotiations.

Literature teaches us "how to negotiate or how not to negotiate"

This negotiation story analysis is by Daniel Read and Thomas Hills, Professors at the University of Warwick, from the Negotiation Journal.

The professors analyzed a negotiation drawn from George Eliot’s novel Middlemarch: A Study of Provincial Life. Mary Ann Evans, who wrote this novel under the male pseudonym George Eliot, was herself actively involved in many multi-issue negotiations as a writer.

Mary’s story captures a negotiation between a wealthy banker and his former associate.

Bulstrode is a wealthy banker who wants to maintain his reputation. He acquired his wealth by marrying the widow of his late employer. The widow wanted to trace her daughter, and Bulstrode’s associate, Raffles, helped her lose her tracks, ensuring no wealth division. Bulstrode’s wealth is the product of deceit, double-dealing, and crime.

Raffles was paid for his services, and he migrated to America; however, he returned to Middlemarch after the failure of his venture. Bulstrode’s troubles began when Raffles paid him a visit.

During negotiations, Bulstrode made multiple mistakes when taken by surprise by the presence of his old associate. He did not build or foster a relationship with Raffles, nor did he empathise with him, and he was more worried about his reputation due to the old disclosure. He wanted him gone and hinted at payments. Raffles was emboldened, and his reservation price went up. Bulstrode lacked perspective-taking.

When they met the next day, Bulstrode focused on his weak BATNA and failed to consider that even Raffles’ BATNA might be weaker than his. They met over breakfast, a pleasant time for good conversation, but Bulstrode failed to empathize. He was impatient and wanted him gone.

Raffles became aware of his counterpart’s weak position, and both parties understood. Threats and accusations ruled the interaction. Raffles made his demand rather than exploring what else he could get. He made a demand, and Bulstrode didn’t counter. Ultimately, money was left on the table.